Question: Hello Madam Koverage. So I just wanted to get a women’s opinion on a certain situation. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over a year. I love her and want to be with her, it’s only one problem.. well two problems..she has TWO children. We get along great, it’s just the fact in my mind that if I did want children with her, I feel like my first child has to be the other person’s first child as well, so I would feel like our child would not be special to her based on the fact that it’s her third. Raising a child is something I would want to go through, and learn with my spouse together, but it will only be a new experience for me not her. Another issue is that the fathers of the two children, do not help to support the child financially, meaning I have to step up to the plate most times. I definitely was not looking to play stepdad or father figure of any sort so soon. It’s disappointing that when I finally find a girl who I like, she has extra baggage. Don’t get me wrong, her kids are not bad, but that is just how I feel. The simple fact that I can’t just come get her and go places because she has to find someone to watch her kids gets kind of annoying. I know I love her because I left my previous girl who was a Preachers’ daughter with no kids for her lol. She was a good girl and all, but she was too young for me and I tend to date older women. I’m 24 and she is 27. I love my girlfriend and don’t want to break up with her because she has kids, but it stays on my mind constantly.. what should I do?
Answer: WHEW! That was a lot to take in. Now if you truly love her and can’t imagine life without her then her additional baggage would not be enough steer you away. You have to honestly think to yourself, am I ok raising someone else’s child because you will be an integral part of their lives. If that answer is no then you have to respectfully walk away and allow her to find someone that has no qualms about being in that role. Also she can’t change the fact that she has 2 kids and you have none, the emotions that you have towards that cannot be ignored because it will never go away. A kid will always remain a first priority in a parents life. I know you may love her , but it is only one year that you have invested, not 5, so it may be hard to walk away but trust me it will eventually be ok. But if you know that you truly can’t live without her, then that is something you have to deal with the rest of your life. And you are still young, so if you really are dealing with this situation, you have to ask yourself, is she really worth it? Do you see her as your wife ? Do you see her as the mother of your kids? Do you see her apart of your family ? Do you see her being the only person you sleep and wake up to? These are questions that will help determine what to do. I don’t have love for her. You do. So pray about it. Weigh out the pros and cons. And good luck!
