“Woahhh you’re 30 & still single?… something must be wrong with you? Don’t you want to get married? What ever happened to…? I have someone that would be perfect for you.”
Why am I still single? Does this thought constantly run through your mind day in and day out. Are you thinking… “Maybe I’m too picky? Maybe my standards are too high? Maybe it is me? What really is the issue?” I know I’m not the only single person out there who may have similar thoughts on a daily basis. Let’s face it… no one truly likes to be single. It is a choice. But I know for me as I get older, I can’t force myself to be with someone just to say I have a “boo”, and you shouldn’t too. Although I am currently 28 years old, society and mainly African parents have a way of making you feel older than what you really are. Don’t let anyone tell you that your standards are “too high” because you know what you want. But let me ask you this..everything that is on your “list” in what you are “looking for” in a mate, do you reflect what you have written down? Are you demanding that your mate makes over 100k yet you make 50k? Are you demanding for them to have an athletic build and likes to workout, yet you haven’t stepped in the gym all year? Are you demanding that they drive a certain car, yet you’ve been driving the same car for years now? Are you demanding that she cooks like your mom, yet you can’t even boil water? Be realistic in what you are looking for. At the end of the day, you have to be happy with yourself first, stop looking for someone to fill that void and provide for you financially, mentally, and physically all the time.
Now I know these days it is easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. It’s easy to re-evaluate your whole life after reading someones Facebook status stating that they got engaged, checking out wedding pictures on Instagram, or seeing baby reveal parties of whether its a boy or girl.** NEWS FLASH** It is ok to be in your feelings for a second, but then you need to move on. I had to learn that most people won’t post the bad things that are going on in their life and relationships. They want to paint a picture-perfect world for people to see. But you never know what could be going on behind closed doors. They could be in an abusive or cheating relationship for all you know, but all they post are sweet long captions with emojis for you to read, like, and then drown in your feelings reminding you that you’re single. So don’t compare your story with anyone else. Your time is coming..trust me!
Growing up in a Nigerian household.. man oh man.. how difficult was that. Dating was just something that was foreign and forbidden. In fact, I’m sure most people can attest to this line, “leave that boy/girl alone and face your books, they will always be there.” Meaning this is the time to focus on your education, and when the time is right, then start looking for your “mate”. As I transitioned into my late 20s, I noticed the conversation of “marriage” slowly being picked up by my parents and family. They went from straight NO DATING to “Where is your husband?”. SMH crazy. Don’t let the pressure of family get to you. I had to think to myself…am I really ready to be someone’s wife.. or even mother? That is a big responsibility, so one has to be happy with themselves before entering that phase of life. Enjoy your YOU TIME, because trust me, when you start a family, it will no longer be about just how you feel, and what you want. So enjoy dating, figure out what you like and go from there ( P.S Don’t feel obligated to go out on a date with EVERYONE though. Everyone is not worth your time). Don’t just rush into a marriage to please anyone. Because you will be the one that has to wake up each day to that person. You should marry your best friend. I believe the best relationships and marriages are built off the foundation of being friends first.
Now are you still holding on to the past? So many people have trouble moving forward because they keep holding onto something that was never meant for them. Let me tell you something, the love that God has for us is not mediocre, so why should you settle for a mediocre love with a human? You deserve the best, stop running back to an old habit who really could care less about you. If it was meant to be, don’t you think it would have worked out the first three times? Stop looking at the amount of years that you all have been together. The more you keep looking, the more years you keep adding to something that will end up being nothing. I had to learn the hard way, but that’s ok because when you know your worth and value, you will no longer allow yourself to stick in an unhealthy situation or cycle. People make time for what they want to make time for.. PERIOD! If you are a priority to that person, you won’t have to keep asking them for their time… remember that. So when you finally let that situation go, give yourself time to heal before moving into a new situation. Of course always be aware and alert, but don’t let the new person suffer for the mistakes that the old person caused. Let this person prove themselves to you.
Being single is not a disease. So yes you are single & 30… “Big deal”. Don’t settle for less than you know you deserve. God’s timing is everything. Don’t be bitter about your past. Just be grateful that God took you out of a situation so he could upgrade you to first-class with the person of your dreams. So sit back, relax & enjoy your journey!
As Always…Thanks for Reading!