“Dating without a purpose is just practicing for divorce”
According to Wikipedia.com, dating can be defined as, “part of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.”
Although we are provided with a formal definition of dating, some people may have their own version and expectations of what dating is, which is fine, but realistically you can only want to play games for so long. I think dating has changed significantly from the past, and really is not getting better in this generation. In order for that to change, personally I feel as though we need to start Dating with a Purpose. As we get older, our expectations in life grow, and we realize we want a partner by our side that we can trust, confide in, love, and support. But in order for that to occur, you have to start Dating with a Purpose. Nothing is wrong with getting to know people, so you can have an idea of what you like, and what you do not like, but there needs to be some standards set in place for yourself. If you are going on dates with three people consistently, then you should not be engaging in any sexual activity with them so your mind is clear on what you truly want. Once that happens with one person, you may start to focus on that individual who probably in the end, wasn’t the best individual for you to begin with.
If you are going on dates with one person consistently, keep in mind that you are Dating with a Purpose, so do not be afraid to ask where the “relationship” may be going. Don’t necessarily overwhelm the person and start talking full on marriage, but after a few dates, guys have an idea whether or not they want to continue dating you to see where things could go, put you in the friend zone, or just keep you for the sex. And that also applies to women as well. Even if you are going on dates with one person, it needs to be addressed to make sure both parties are on the same page, do not assume exclusivity. Below I have a few rules that I believe will help you Date with a Purpose.
1.Keep God first. When you know the type of love that God has for you already, you do not have to try and seek that fulfillment in any type of human. No love is perfect, but the one from God. Talk to him, confide in him, pray, tell him what you want and are looking for. Trust that he will eventually guide you to the love of your life. Let your past disappointments, help you embrace your future blessings. God’s timing is everything so trust the process.
2. Keep your legs closed. Now I’m sure some people probably just laughed or rolled their eyes. Then that means this rule is for you. I know people say go with the flow let things happen naturally, which is true. But once sex is involved, I don’t care how you try and spin it, the dynamics of the relationship change. If you can save it for marriage, then you will truly be blessed. But realistically if you cannot, try and hold out as long as you can. Date that person on a mental level, not a sexual level. And if you are trying to be celibate, be intentional and let that be known upfront. If the person truly wants to get to know who you are then they will wait, if not, then they just did you a favor, so let them go.
3.Are you truly happy with yourself? Now before you start dating, you have to be truly happy with yourself. Don’t bring your confusion and sadness into someone else’s life. You have to be content within yourself before you try to merge with someone else. Nothing is wrong with taking a few months, or maybe even years to figure out what makes you happy, what you want in a relationship..ultimately marriage, what you will and will not tolerate. Always stay true to yourself and know your self worth.
4.Be ready to let the past hurt go. It is easy to try and hold on to what someone else did to us in the past, but what good would that really do us? Stop blocking your future blessing, because you are still focused on what an ex may have done to you. And stop punishing someone who is trying to get to know you because of what your ex did. Until that person proves you wrong, give them the benefit of the doubt. In life,we live, we learn, and we move on, just take it as a learning experience so hopefully it will not occur again.
5.Some people may not agree with this one, but that is completely fine, but make a list of what you like, what you are open to, what you won’t budge on, etc. Sometimes you need to see visually on a piece of paper what you want, instead of a million thoughts running through your mind. This list is just to guide you, not to hinder you. Be open to change, without compromising who you are.
6.Be HONEST and communicate. Just be honest, there is no need to lie because what’s done in the dark will eventually come to light. From the first date, be honest about who you are, and what you may be looking for. Nothing is wrong with that. Don’t just give answers because it seems like the right thing to say, say what you truly mean and feel. You do not want the foundation of your relationship to be based off lies. Communicate to the person how you feel. No one is a mind reader, so open your mouth and say what may be bothering you.
7.Be careful on what you post on social media. In this generation, we are so quick to upload a picture, video, status about our life, and so much more. When you are dating with a purpose, you have to put out what you want to reflect you. Don’t say you are ready to settle down, yet there are pictures of you twerking on the floor. No judgment here, but let’s be realistic with ourselves. Don’t let someone look at you as just a good time, let them look at you as a lifetime.
8.Keep things fun and fresh. In order for you to get to know someone, you have to see them in different elements. Your dates should not always include going to sit down at a restaurant. Plan adventurous dates and see how they adapt to those types of surroundings. If you are an outdoor person, see if they like nature just as much as you do. This is a perfect way to build your friendship as well, because that is the foundation for any relationship.
9.Be intentional with your words, thoughts, and actions. What you put out, is a light reflection of how you will be in your marriage. Are you selfish? Do you like to compromise? Do you have a bad temper? Be genuine and show that you are a caring, helping person.
10. When you are dating with a purpose, please DO NOT abandon your friends and people around you. Do not forget who was there before this guy or girl came along. You need to know if they can be around your family and friends, because they are a part of who you are. Don’t get lost in the world of “love” and if you break up, have no one to have your back.
Thanks for reading! Hope it helps!